Thursday, May 30, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
I'm Single. I'm Not Broken.
A year or so ago, my sister asked me what I think when I read articles in the Ensign about being single in a church that focuses so much on families. At the time I didn't think too much about it. I wasn't feeling terribly concerned about my marital status, so they were just words on a page. I was intrigued by her question, so she tried to elaborate further. She continued:
"I don't have any problem with not holding the Priesthood, but sometimes when I spend a lot of time reading words of people who are seemingly trying to console me, I wonder if I should be concerned about that."
While that didn't necessarily apply at the time, it stuck with me.
I am not sure exactly when it happened, but I think somewhere something changed and this describes my thoughts pretty well now. I am happy and life is good. The only (okay not ONLY-but mostly the only) times I start to worry or get antsy or whatever is when I talk too much to someone about it, when I start trying to control this. I have learned to stop doing that-because it never makes me happy.
In all of these thoughts I have realized a few things in this stage of life and one of the primary realizations is that unless you have experienced this stage, there is NO way for someone to know what this experience is like, for better or worse. On behalf of all of us who have made it this far, let me share my perspective, even a few tips for those of you who don't understand:
1. I am not sick. I am single- I don't need consoled or pitied. (Actually, for the record, most sick people don't want that either.)
2. Don't try to fix it- Again, there is nothing wrong with me. I just haven't found the one I am looking for. I appreciate that you love me enough to feel invested in my life. Thank you, but I am okay.
3. "It will all work out, the right guy will come and you will be so happy."- That seems to be what everyone wants to tell me. I believe it. I hope for it. I plan on it. Please don't make me try to convince you. Sometimes it seems this is harder for you than for me. You can be supportive, I appreciate that. I love compliments and to be reminded that I am great. Even an occasional well placed, "the one who gets you will be so lucky..." is great, but don't over do it (see #1).
4. Kites & Balloons-Yes, it is nice to have the flexibility to go where ever we want and chase whatever dreams/passions/opportunities come our direction. You know what else is nice? Having someone that keeps you grounded, stable and in control. Soaring through the clouds with direction is so much easier if there is someone on the other side of the string. (I know this seems opposite of everything else in this list, but it is equally irritating.)
5. "Because we are both single?"-If you are setting us up solely because we are both single, PLEASE reconsider. Know that the trouble is not in meeting other single people, it is in meeting other single people that I am interested in.
6. I am happy- Please believe that my life is good. I have a good job & good friends. I am involved in the world around me. I do want to get married, but for now, until that happens I am happy. I am entitled to days when I just want to get married, but it is not all I think about.
7. Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER ask someone "Why not?" As in 'So... are you dating anyone?' 'No. Not really' 'We'll why not?' I don't know. You tell me... Am I ugly? Do I have bad breath? Do I scare men off? Just assume that if I say no, its for a good reason, probably that there just isn't an interesting prospect in the dating pool at the moment.
---To Be Continued---
"I don't have any problem with not holding the Priesthood, but sometimes when I spend a lot of time reading words of people who are seemingly trying to console me, I wonder if I should be concerned about that."
While that didn't necessarily apply at the time, it stuck with me.
I am not sure exactly when it happened, but I think somewhere something changed and this describes my thoughts pretty well now. I am happy and life is good. The only (okay not ONLY-but mostly the only) times I start to worry or get antsy or whatever is when I talk too much to someone about it, when I start trying to control this. I have learned to stop doing that-because it never makes me happy.
In all of these thoughts I have realized a few things in this stage of life and one of the primary realizations is that unless you have experienced this stage, there is NO way for someone to know what this experience is like, for better or worse. On behalf of all of us who have made it this far, let me share my perspective, even a few tips for those of you who don't understand:
1. I am not sick. I am single- I don't need consoled or pitied. (Actually, for the record, most sick people don't want that either.)
2. Don't try to fix it- Again, there is nothing wrong with me. I just haven't found the one I am looking for. I appreciate that you love me enough to feel invested in my life. Thank you, but I am okay.
3. "It will all work out, the right guy will come and you will be so happy."- That seems to be what everyone wants to tell me. I believe it. I hope for it. I plan on it. Please don't make me try to convince you. Sometimes it seems this is harder for you than for me. You can be supportive, I appreciate that. I love compliments and to be reminded that I am great. Even an occasional well placed, "the one who gets you will be so lucky..." is great, but don't over do it (see #1).
4. Kites & Balloons-Yes, it is nice to have the flexibility to go where ever we want and chase whatever dreams/passions/opportunities come our direction. You know what else is nice? Having someone that keeps you grounded, stable and in control. Soaring through the clouds with direction is so much easier if there is someone on the other side of the string. (I know this seems opposite of everything else in this list, but it is equally irritating.)
5. "Because we are both single?"-If you are setting us up solely because we are both single, PLEASE reconsider. Know that the trouble is not in meeting other single people, it is in meeting other single people that I am interested in.
6. I am happy- Please believe that my life is good. I have a good job & good friends. I am involved in the world around me. I do want to get married, but for now, until that happens I am happy. I am entitled to days when I just want to get married, but it is not all I think about.
7. Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER ask someone "Why not?" As in 'So... are you dating anyone?' 'No. Not really' 'We'll why not?' I don't know. You tell me... Am I ugly? Do I have bad breath? Do I scare men off? Just assume that if I say no, its for a good reason, probably that there just isn't an interesting prospect in the dating pool at the moment.
---To Be Continued---
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